Vol. 5, No. 1
~ Page 14 ~
My shining feet will never run on early morning lawn;
My feet were crushed before they had a chance to streak the dawn.
My fingers now will never stretch to touch the winning tape;
My race was done before I learned the smallest steps to take.
My growing height will never be recorded on the wall,
My growth was stopped when I was still unseen and very small.
My lips and tongue will never taste good fruits of the earth;
For when still blind, destroyed were they in the black womb of night.
I'll never stand upon a hill Spring's wind in my hair;
Aborted winds of thought closed in on motherhood's despair.
I'll never walk the shores of life or know the tides of time,
For I was coming but unloved, and that my only crime.
January 22, 2023
Can you believe it is 2023 already? I am still writing 22 on nearly everything. Seems like yesterday I was sitting in the first grade celebrating the century change!
I know we haven't really chatted since Christmas. Sorry. Anyway, I have some difficult news and I really did not want to call and talk face to face.
Ted's had a promotion, and I should be up for a hefty raise this year if I keep putting in those crazy hours. You know how I work at it. Yes, we're still struggling with the bills...
Timmy's been "OK" at kindergarten although he complains about going. But then he wasn't happy about day-care either, so what can I do?
He hasn't been a real problem, mom. He is a good kid but quite honestly, he's an unfair burden at this time in our lives. Ted and I have talked this through and through and finally made a choice. Plenty of other families have made it and are much better off.
Our preacher is supportive and says hard decisions sometimes are necessary. The family is a "system" and the demands of one member shouldn't be allowed to ruin the whole. He told us to be prayerful, consider all the factors and do what is right to make the family work. He says that even though he probably wouldn't do it himself, the decision is really ours. He was kind enough to refer us to the children's clinic near here, so at least that part is easy.
I am not an uncaring mother. I do feel sorry for the little guy. I think he overheard Ted and me talking about "it" the other night. I turned around and saw him standing at the bottom step in his pj's with the little bear you gave him under his arm and his eyes sort of welling up.
Mom, the way he looked at me just broke my heart, but I honestly believe this is better for Timmy too. It is not fair to force him to live in a family that cannot give him the time and attention he deserves. And please don't give me the kind of grief Grandma gave you over your abortions. It is the same thing you know.
We have told him he is just going in for a vaccination. Anyway, they say the termination procedure is painless.
I guess it's just as well you have not seen that much of him.
Love to dad,
Could this really happen? Remember, there are those who are putting forth concerted efforts to legalize "assisted suicide" for the elderly and sick. Furthermore, what is the difference between taking the life of the child before he is born than after he is born? It's just a matter of timing! If it is acceptable to take the child's life before birth, why not after if it is "inconvenient" to have the child? Given the perverted thinking of many in society, this is not an impossible scenario. ~ Ken Chumbley